On Confidence, Being Yourself, and the Definition of "Normal"

I was talking with one of my close friends about this recently, and I realized it would be a good thing to write about because I'm sure there are many of you who can relate to what I'm about to say.

Honestly, for me, confidence and self-esteem have been a daily battle for years. Even now as a fully fledged adult, I still struggle with having confidence in my decisions because I care way too much what people think about me. I'm sure many of you can relate. But why is this such a common battle?

Let's take a look at the world we live in today. I think one of the most prevalent characteristics of the world we live in in technology. We have so much information at our fingertips. With the press of a button, we can know all sorts of things! Not to mention the boom of social media. Even 20 years ago, social media really wasn't a thing. But now, we have texting, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Pinterest, Blogger, and many other popular websites and platforms. In many ways, it's a good thing. For me, I use Facebook to keep up on big things happening in people's lives like starting a new job or college, getting and engaged married, having a baby, going on exotic trips, etc. It also helps me keep in contact with friends and family I don't get to see very often, like my extended family that live all over, my college friends, and people I met on my mission. Without social media, it would be difficult to keep in contact with those important people in my life. In that aspect, social media is a wonderful thing!

But there's also the flip side of the coin when it comes to social media. I've found (and I'm completely guilty of this too) that we tend to publicize an "ideal version" of ourselves. Only the best pictures make it onto our FB and Instagram profiles. Only the best news and life events make it into our posts. While I'm definitely seeing more people who have the courage to post when life isn't going perfectly, and I applaud you for doing so, putting up a "perfect facade" is still a very common pattern I'm seeing. But like I said, I'm completely guilty of this too! When I'm struggling, I have the tendency of shutting people out and trying to deal with my problems myself. I'm definitely trying to get better at that, and I've seen some improvement, but it's still a work in progress! The idea of posting on social media when I'm struggling is a scary notion to me! And I'm definitely not saying that we should publicize everything we're going through, because some things are just too personal, and there are other ways to reach out to people for support.

All I'm saying is that I've also found that people generally respond best to genuineness. When we're truly being ourselves, people respect and admire that. They feel more comfortable around us. When we take the leap and choose to be ourselves, then we give other people the opportunity to let their guard down too. I've really tried to let my guard down through this blog. While I definitely don't share everything in my personal life, I've found a lot of support through this! And it's because I try to be real in my posts.

When I see someone post something real on social media, I can just tell that they're being genuine. We each have the innate intuition within us that can help us discern between when people are being real, or when they're hiding behind a mask. I respond to the FB posts that are touching to me, that make me feel something like excitement, sympathy, or enlightenment.

While these types of things don't often make it onto my wall, I know that there are tons of things circulating out there that communicate unrealistic expectations. An easy example to use is magazine-front-cover models. They may seem like they have "all that," but what kind of lives do they lead? How often do you think they experience true joy? And what kind of messages are they sending? That a woman's worth lies only in her outward appearance? I'm not saying that looks don't matter, because they do, but they aren't the only reason we women are of worth, despite what the Clinique and Victoria's Secret ads may say (and not say). What happened to virtue, to modesty in dress, to the inner "glow" a woman can have when she is assured of herself and her worth?

I think every human being has one desire in common: each of us want to be treated like normal people.

Understanding the Book of Mormon

With the Sunday school Come Follow Me curriculum being about the Book of Mormon this year, I thought I'd write on that a little bit. I feel like the Book of Mormon is the book of scripture that I understand the best out of all four books we have in our scriptures (The King James Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price). I attribute most of my knowledge to my year of early morning seminary my freshman year of high school where we studied the Book of Mormon, though my knowledge has definitely expanded with my college Book of Mormon part I and II classes, and in my own personal studies both on and off my mission.

First and foremost, the Book of Mormon is the record of God's people in the Americas. The book starts out with one family in Jerusalem around 600 BC, but when the father/prophet Lehi received a warning about the imminent destruction of Jerusalem as well as the attempts on his life, he took his family and fled, and they eventually sailed to the American continent under the Lord's direction. From there, over hundreds of years, two peoples grew from that first family, the Nephites (named after the righteous son Nephi) and the Lamanites (named after the rebellious oldest son Laman). These two nations stood in opposition to each other the vast majority of the Book of Mormon. However, hundreds of years before Lehi and his family came, another people called the Jaredites (named after their righteous leader Jared) came to the Americas immediately following the confounding of the languages at the Tower of Babel. By the time the Nephites and the Lamanites came around, the Jaredites were destroyed, and their bones were found by the Nephites hundreds of years later. The Book of Mormon is a story of how our loving Heavenly Father was the God of more than one nation. He wasn't just the God of Israel - He had a branch of Israel in the Americas as well.

But more than that, I believe the Book of Mormon is a story about families. In Lehi's family, there were righteous sons who believed in the Lord and heeded His counsel, and there were sons who had seen angels and had other remarkable experiences, yet their hearts were hardened against Him. Then there were the righteous king Mosiah and the prophet Alma with their initially rebellious sons that have incredible repentance stories and eventually become some of the most powerful missionaries in the Book of Mormon. Then there are the people of Ammon (named after one of the missionary sons of Mosiah who brought them to the gospel) and their 2,000 righteous young sons who covenant to protect their people from the Lamanites. Then Alma the Younger has his 3 sons (two righteous and one rebellious) whom he writes to. Then we see Jared, the righteous leader of the Jaredites with his righteous prophet brother Mahonri lead their people. Finally, we have Mormon, the prophet/historian who compiled all the books together (hence the name the Book of Mormon) who passes the record onto his righteous son Moroni who adds some words, then seals up the record and buries it in the hill Cumorah so that the Lamanites won't find it and destroy it. There are families throughout the Book of Mormon! And each one tells a different story.

Of course, the culminating event in the entire Book of Mormon is the resurrected Savior's ministry among the righteous Nephites in 3rd Nephi chapters 11-27. Throughout Latin and South America, there are legends of a "white man" coming to visit them. Though we don't know exactly where in the Americas He came, in the Book of Mormon, we have an actual account of what the Savior taught and did while He was there. If that doesn't show His love for His people in the Americas, I don't know what does! He actually said to them that there were certain things He wasn't able to teach/show the Israelites that He was able to teach/show to the Nephites because their faith was so great. I just think that's amazing. Like a mother that has equal love for her two sons, Jesus Christ had an immense love for both His people in America and His people in Israel. As the title page says, the purpose of the Book of Mormon is for the "convincing of the Jew and Gentile that Jesus is the Christ, the Eternal God, manifesting himself to all nations" (emphasis added).

I testify that when Mormon compiled the stories of all these families as well as the ministry of Jesus Christ, he was inspired to know which stories we would need in our day. The Book of Mormon was written for our day. It's another written testimony of Jesus Christ. It isn't here to replace the Bible, but to supplement it. The Bible tells the "what" (Christ's law), and the Book of Mormon tells the "how" (how to live the law). Like a father and a mother that are different people yet speak with one voice, the Bible and the Book of Mormon work together to testify of the reality of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and lay out His plan to save all of us through His atoning sacrifice. In every chapter, Christ can be found. Look for Him. Look for what He's trying to tell you specifically. Two people could read the same chapter and pull out completely different things. I testify that reading the Book of Mormon will bring you closer to Christ. If you want to build a better relationship with Him, the Book of Mormon is where you should turn to. The Book of Mormon is a major reason for the relationship I have with Him today.

If you ever have questions about the Book of Mormon, if there's something you don't understand, I'd love to help! Whether you're interested in learning more about it or the Church, or if you've read it many times and just have questions about content, people, or looking for a new way to read it, feel free to post in the comments below on my blog or on my FB post! I'd love to answer questions!

Transitions in Life

I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately. I mean, it makes sense, now that I've graduated from my college studies and am stepping into the next phase of my life, whatever that may be.

I graduated high school 6.5 years ago, which was a major life transition. It marked the beginning of my independent adult life. It meant leaving my beloved hometown, my family, and all familiarity as I embarked on to the small college town of Rexburg, Idaho, to discover what I wanted to do with my life and who I wanted to become. It was definitely scary at first, especially since I was the first in my immediate family to go to BYU-Idaho, and the only person I knew going up there up there was my roommate. But it didn't take me long to fall in love with the college life, deciding for myself what degree to choose, what classes to take and when, what social activities I wanted to be a part of, and more. I grew SO much throughout my time in college.

After a year of school, I made the decision to serve a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which is something I never had the desire to do before. But that decision was completely my own. And yes, that was a scary thing too at first! The idea of going to a completely different continent and country, learning a new language, and sharing a different gospel message in a predominantly Catholic city of 10 million people of varying socioeconomic statuses was certainly intimidating! But, once again, it didn't take long for me to fall in love with life as a missionary, sharing a message of hope and love, and becoming fluent in Spanish miraculously quickly (I felt confident speaking after only 6 months).

The missionary life was absolutely wonderful. It was definitely hard at first, and there were many frustrating days, but it just took some time for me to adjust to my "new normal," if you will. Coming home from my mission was no different. It was difficult at first to adjust to speaking English again (my family can attest to this), although adjusting to carpeted floors and hot showers didn't take very long ;) But getting back on social media was definitely an adjustment too. On my mission, I got used to sharing a Nokia brick phone, not even having texting most of the time, video calling twice a year, and using a computer for just an hour and a half per week to email my family and friends. Going from that to getting back on Facebook, texting again, Messenger, having my own computer and 1st smartphone, etc. definitely took some getting used to! And now look at me, I have my own blog now! :) I'd say my transition from the mission back to normal life was the last life transition I experienced before now.

This life transition from "college independent adult life" to "real independent adult life" is particularly unique. In my opinion, college is definitely independent, but at the same time, everything is so structured. Once you're set in a degree, you know which classes you need to take, and housing is basically provided for you - you just have to choose which place you like best. You're still choosing for yourself, but your options are all laid out for you. I didn't realize that until recently.

This "real independent adult life" that I'm transitioning into is a different kind of independence than college is. I do have options, but I have to go find them. I may be student teaching through BYU-Idaho, and everything there is structured for me, but I still have to find where I'm going to live. And after student teaching, that's when the real independence is going to come. I have to get my teaching license, decide which teaching job to take, where I'm going to be, and all those other things. And that's definitely scary and intimidating! But life from this point on is going to be like this. My life is going to result from my decisions. Decisions truly do determine destiny, to paraphrase Thomas S. Monson.

Though these life transitions have all been scary at first, I know that my Heavenly Father has been there with me every step of the way. I'm never alone, even when I feel like I am, because He is always watching. I know that He knows me better than I know myself, He's aware of what's going on in my life, and He knows what's best for me. He won't ever force me to do anything. I still have my agency, or my freedom to choose. He can only lead and guide, if I will let Him.

This student teaching is a little scary, I'm not gonna lie. I'm going to a completely unfamiliar place, once again not knowing anyone, and I'll be teaching an age group I've never done before. But I know that this is going to be a great experience because of all the past life transitions that have prepared me for this moment. I may be going by myself, but I'm never going to be alone. I'll have colleagues, new friends to find, my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ, and of course my ever-supportive family and friends wherever they may be found. I know I couldn't do this without you all. Thank you for supporting me in everything I do. I'm excited to see where this new adventure takes me, and to see how "real" independent life suits me. I've been preparing for this my entire life, and now it's finally here!

Daily Miracles and Service Opportunities

My Desires to Improve
For the longest time, I've wanted to improve my ability to recognize daily miracles that happen in my life, as well as recognizing opportunities to serve other people. So, it's been 3.5 years since I came home from Peru, right? To those of you who haven't served missions or aren't members of my church or perhaps any church, please don't be turned off by this. I promise there's a point to me bringing up my mission experience. Basically, and any returned missionary can attest to this, when you've dedicated 18 months or 2 years of your life to serving Jesus Christ and bringing people to Him, there's a special feeling that comes with it. Feeling the Holy Ghost much more in your life is the easiest way to describe it. Well, when you come home from your mission, no matter how hard you try, you just can't replicate that feeling you had as a missionary. Believe me, I've been trying for 3.5 years, and I haven't been successful. I feel little "moments" you could say of what I used to feel, but I haven't been able to feel it consistently like I used to.
But I've had a thought recently (probably inspired by the Spirit), that one of the major things that made that "mission feeling" so incredible (at least for me, I can't speak for anyone else) was that the ability to recognize daily miracles came super easily to me as a missionary. I basically saw everything as a miracle, whether it be something small like receiving a free mandarin orange from someone (that happened to me a LOT) or something huge like someone I taught accepting the invitation to be baptized. It was easy to see these miracles and attribute them to the God I worship.
Before I go on, I know there are many of you reading this who either are members of my faith and haven't served missions, or you're not members of my faith or perhaps any faith. To you, I'd like to share a quote by Albert Einstein: “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” I find a lot of truth and wisdom in this statement. The choice is ours what kind of lives we want to lead, but you can have different beliefs than me and still believe in miracles if you so choose. You don't even have to be religious to believe in miracles!
Miracles
The real question is, what can be considered a miracle? Some may think of things like walking on water or the most unlikely remission from a terminal illness. Others may think of the heavenly gaze of newborns, the love felt at Christmastime, or shooting stars. For me, I try to see miracles in my daily interactions with friends and loved ones, hot showers (which I HAVE gone without ;), my miraculous ability to roll out of bed even when I'm tired, and making progress on my seemingly endless mountain of homework. And you know what has happened as a result of this practice? I've been able to see miracles every single day of my life, and I've been able to feel a more consistent Spirit similar to the "mission feeling" I referenced earlier. I write miracles down in a note in my phone when I see them, then at the end of the day, I look over them again and copy them into a small notebook I have designated for this purpose. I do this every night. When I first started this in late October, I wrote 2-3 things down. Now I'm up to 8 things a day, and I'm sure I could write much more than that.
One thing I've noticed is that when you start looking for something, you're sure to find it. Then you get better at finding it because you get used to looking for it. For instance, if you look for the faults in people (consciously or subconsciously), you're sure to find them, until that becomes the predominant thing you see in people. Conversely, if you start looking for the good in people, you're sure to find that, then you start to see that more and more. It's the same with miracles. Once you make a habit of looking, recognizing it gets easier and easier.
Service
Same goes for service opportunities! The more you look, the more you find, and the better you get at finding them. It could be something as simple as taking out the trash or listening to/giving advice to a struggling friend. It doesn't have to be huge. That's what I've learned from this. We're ALL struggling with hard things. Service in all its forms is a reminder that we're not alone, and that there are people watching out for us. The beauty of it is that we don't necessarily have to know what a person is struggling with to help them. And yet, the recipient's burdens are still made lighter. Imagine how different this world would be if everyone served one another instead of competing with each other, tearing each other down, and warring with each other. That's a world that I want to see.
We do get a glimpse of that world every December though. Why do people always wish that the Christmas season could last all year round? Because there's a special feeling of hope and love that is completely unique to this time of year. We gather together. We give each other gifts. We forgive debts. We put aside our differences. We bury our hatchets. We sing joyous songs of peace! We put up lights, candles, and trees! We wear bright colors! And we look to the new year with optimism. 
An Invitation and A Challenge
This December, no matter what religion or beliefs you profess, I'd invite you to look for the daily miracles in your life, because I guarantee that they're all around you. I promise that if you do, your heart will be filled with gratitude for all the miracles around you, and you will feel loved. And you'll get better at seeing the little miracles that happen everyday. I'm also challenging you to find ways to serve other people every day. I promise that even if you feel like your own personal burdens are too heavy and difficult to bear, you will make someone else's burdens lighter, as well as your own. Look outward, not inward. I can testify of that from both the giving and the receiving end. Life will become easier, not because the challenges we face on a daily basis get easier, but because we get stronger. Build others up, and build yourself up. Be a light this holiday season and beyond! And make both the world and yourself better in the process. :)

Your Once Upon a Time

Your Once Upon a Time

Recently, I was listening to a song from Disney Channel's original movie Descendants 3, and the message was just so beautiful that I wanted to write about it. It's called "My Once Upon a Time." In the movie, the main character and future queen Mal (who is also the daughter of the famed villain Maleficent) makes a decision that she believes is for the good of the whole kingdom, but later regrets it because it distances her from those she holds dear. In this song, she is deciding what she wants her "once upon a time," or her story, to be. She says:

So when your story comes to light,

Make sure the story that they write goes:

Once upon a time a girl tried harder
Once upon a time she tried again
Once upon a braver choice
She took a risk
She used her voice

And that will be my once upon a time
This time.

She has resolved to take the risk and seek to make things right with those she has wronged, even though it definitely won't be easy. As I was listening to this, I asked myself: "What do I want my 'once upon a time' to be?" There have definitely been times when I've had to try harder, try again, take risks, and use my voice. While most of those weren't easy experiences to go through, they've become crucial moments in my personal journey, and I've come out a better person because of them. And I will continue to have experiences like that as I continue onward in life. We all will.

To quote the song again:

Take once upon a time she fought a dragon
Once upon a time that beast was me.

We live in tumultuous times. We're going to war everyday against unseen adversaries, or "dragons" if you will. But sometimes, the opponent we're fighting is ourselves. There are times when our passionate hearts want something, but our logical heads hold us back, or whatever the case may be. I find that my inner wars often center around experiences I want to have, but similar experiences in the past that have been difficult and painful hold me back. I don't know what most of your internal wars are, but I do know that they are just as real as any external influences we may be fighting against. Though the dragons we fight--both internal and external--are intimidating to confront to say the least, we can conquer them all. We will never face anything we can't overcome. I firmly believe that God reserves the toughest battles for His strongest soldiers, and also that each trial we go through was handpicked and carefully placed in our package of trials. He wants us to succeed! And He wants to help us in our daily battles in any way He possibly can. He knows us perfectly, and He knows what we can handle.

To quote the song one more time:
Step into your greatness before your story ends
So when your story ends, they'll say:

Once upon a time a girl flew higher
Once upon a time she made things right
Once upon a tie that bindsShe changed her heart
To change their minds

We all have greatness in us. As C.S. Lewis once said, we are "gods and goddesses in embryo." We all have the innate capacity to accomplish things in our lives that are nothing short of incredible. If you really think about it, there are incredible things you've already done in your life. A major part of our mortal quest is discovering who we are and what we can do. We each need to discover those "seeds of godliness" in us. Once we do, then we'll fly higher than we ever could have imagined, because our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ are "the wind beneath our wings," to quote another favorite song. They can lift us to new heights if we will align our will with Theirs, until we ultimately reach Their altitude. The world may say that we'll never be good enough, that we aren't (fill in the blank) enough. We can change their minds. But the truth is, it isn't their opinions that matter. For me, the opinions that matter the most are those who love me and have my best interests at heart, such as my family, my Heavenly Father, and my close friends.

So, what are your personal dragons? What battles have you already won? What inner greatness have you already discovered in yourself? Whose opinions matter the most to you? And ultimately, what do you want your "once upon a time" to be? Some of the answers to these questions might surprise you. It is my hope that we'll all become something great, wherever our individual paths may lead us.

To My Man

Dear Mr. Right,

I know you’re out there. I know that you’re real. I know that our paths will cross someday, when the time is right. I know that you will be the right man for me in every way. I know that you’ll be a righteous son of God, and that you’ll put the needs of others ahead of your own. I know that you’ll make me want to be a better person. I know that you will be the father of my children. I know that we’ll be sealed for time and for all eternity in one of the Lord’s holy temples (personally, I hope it’s the Portland temple). I know that I will be happy as your eternal companion.

But, I don’t know who you are. I don’t know your name. I don’t know how old you are. I don’t know where you are. I don’t know what you look like. I don’t know when our paths will cross. I don’t know how hard it may be to find you. I don’t know how many more heartaches I will have to endure before I find you. I don’t know the contents of your basket of trials. I don’t know what secrets you keep. I don’t know what makes you tick, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, or what the future holds for you. I don’t know what you’re studying. I don’t know if I’m going to put you through school. I don’t know if I’ll need to find a teaching job right off the bat. I don’t know where we’re going to live. I don’t know how soon we’ll start having children after getting married. I don’t know how many children we’ll have. I don’t know what trials we’ll face as a couple. I don’t yet know the successes, the meaningful moments, the stolen kisses, the laughter, the comforting, the dancing in the kitchen, or the quiet moments of warm embraces we’ll share with each other. But I do know that whatever we face, we’ll face it together.

Come find me. Find me in one of my classes, or at ballroom night, or in my ward, or at a game night, or randomly in the Crossroads cafeteria, or in Ogden, or wherever it may be. Come to know me for who I am, all character flaws included. Come break down the walls around my heart. Come take my hand, be there for me when I need you, and hold me together when I’m falling apart. Be patient with me. Please don’t give up on me. I promise that it will be worth it. I also promise with all my heart that I will do the same for you.

I will be your rock when you feel unsteady. I will be your comforter when you need to be heard. I will make sure that you never feel alone. I will celebrate your successes with you, and love you even when you stumble and fall – in fact, I’ll love you even more when you do. I will support you in all your endeavors. I will be proud to call you mine. I will be proud to wear your ring. I will be proud to bear your name. I will be proud to bear our children. With our Father’s help, I will strive to be the best wife and mother I can be. I will enjoy every moment we get to share together. I will live up to the covenants I’ll make with you and Father so that we can enjoy eternal life together.

So what are you waiting for? Come find me. I’m waiting for you. Know that you are in my thoughts, dreams, and prayers.

All my love, until the day we finally meet,

Jessica Romrell

Why I'm Not A Menace to Society

I just recently turned 25 years old. A quarter of a century. It should be considered a milestone, right? I’ve graduated high school with a solid GPA, I served a full-time mission in Peru, and now I’m mere months away from student teaching and getting my bachelor’s degree in Elementary Education. Looking back on everything I’ve accomplished up to this point in my life, I’d say it is a milestone.

There has been a recent emphasis in following the covenant path by our beloved prophet President Russell M. Nelson, which is completely wonderful and important. However, there are also various stereotypes and “expectations” of young adults in my age bracket, particularly of returned missionaries like me. One of the biggest expectations is getting married. I understand the importance of this crucial step in the covenant path. It feels like it’s been drilled into me since the day I was born. Without celestial marriage, we can’t achieve our full potential as children of God in the journey to become just like Him, and we can’t gain eternal life, which is what He wants for all of us. I’m definitely not understating the importance of this ordinance. I just think, particularly at BYU-Idaho aka “BYU-I do,” the unique culture up here has morphed our view of this essential ordinance.

Most of us are familiar with the phrase that labels unmarried young people that hit a certain age (I’ve heard ages 21, 25, and 27) as “menaces to society.” I’m sure that this unspoken yet silently acknowledged “benchmark” isn’t what the presidents of the Church had intended to happen when they said that. For many of us, myself included, the fact that we aren’t married yet doesn’t come from a lack of desire. We want it just as much as the next faithful Latter-day Saint. But it just isn’t our time yet, for whatever reason.

Being surrounded by people who always seem to be getting married and moving on with their lives hasn’t been easy. It’s like a little boy in a candy store, yet somehow it never seems to be his turn to choose his favorite sweet. At a table group in one of the classes I once took up here at BYU-I, by the end of the semester, I was the only one who wasn’t engaged, married, or pregnant. But it wasn’t my time then.

However, there have been opportunities where I totally could have gotten married. There have been a guy or two who were completely convinced that I was the one for them and frequently tried to convince me that it was so. Yet I never received that same revelation. It definitely wasn’t easy, but I was courageous enough to follow my heart, trust in what the Spirit was telling me, and say no, even though it would leave me to stand on my own and take on the “single” status again.

Along with the importance of marriage in the temple, my mom has taught me something else that is very important. She repeated to me exactly what her mother told her when she went to college: “You will get to be married for time and all eternity. You only get to be single once. Take this ‘Jessica time’ to discover yourself and to have fun, before you discover Mr. Right.” There truly is no other time in your life like college. There’s no better time to discover who you are, what is truly important to you, and what you really want. I think discovering those things is very important before getting married because you’ll be able to find what you want in a spouse, you’ll become the best version of yourself, and you’ll already have your priorities in place. These things will help you to find the best version of your spouse as well, because virtue attracts virtue.

This is the biggest decision of your entire eternal existence. Whom you choose to marry will impact the rest of your mortal and eternal life. This isn’t a decision to be taken lightly, nor should it be rushed into. I’m the kind of person who likes to make an informed decision, particularly with big decisions like this. However, not everyone is like me in that aspect.

I’ve seen many, many people get married in my time here at BYU-Idaho. Each story is different, and each couple is different. I am happy for all of those who choose to take this major step forward, and who are worthy to enter the house of the Lord to make those sacred covenants with each other and with our Heavenly Father. There are some couples, however, who I feel jump into marriage without fully understanding what it is they’re getting into. The way some people view marriage up here, often without even realizing it, reminds me of the status-focused high school student perspective on exclusive relationships: “Oh, I have a boyfriend,” or “Yeah, she’s my girlfriend.” Only up here, it’s “Oh, I’m married to my wonderful husband,” or “Yeah, she’s my wife.” There is definitely a bit of a confidence boost every time those words are said, it’s true. But some people seem so afraid to stand on their own two feet, whether it be from insecurity, deep emotional struggles, or whatever other reason. Don’t be afraid of that! I’ve learned some of the most important lessons in my life during those “independent” times.

I stand in between the extremes of depending completely on someone else like a crutch and the popular feminist mentality “you don’t need a guy [or girl] to be happy.” I say it’s important to be able to stand on your own, but there is a certain type of happiness we like to call joy that comes through eternal marriage. Another important thing to consider is that just like with serious relationships, behind the appearance or façade of happiness and perfection, marriage isn’t easy.

I’m definitely not calling myself a marriage expert, but I don’t need to be an expert to know that. Part of marriage is figuring out life with another person who was most likely raised differently, who has different perspectives and attitudes based on the experiences he or she has had, all while getting used to having someone else to think about, to make decisions with, to support, and to live with. And not to mention the other stressful details such as in-laws, traditions, figuring out where to live, how to split holidays to spend time with both families, and so much more. Some people think that life gets easier once you’re married, but it isn’t true. It’s a different kind of difficult than being single.

I’ve also seen some girls introduce themselves up here by saying, “My name is such-and-such, and I’ve been married to my wonderful husband such-and-such for such-and-such amount of time…” It’s as if their marriage has become their identity, which isn’t true! Marriage doesn’t change who you are in any way. You’re still the same person you were before you got married. For many girls, yes, you may answer to a new last name, but your first name, and with that the essence of who you are, hasn’t changed. That is often forgotten in the excitement of this major life change.

Now, I know there are some of you reading this who have gotten married younger, like the 18-19 year old range. I have known many in your situation. While that isn’t something I would personally do, I respect that if you have discovered that that is Heavenly Father’s plan for you, then who am I to question that? Not everyone needs to experience years of dating before finding their eternal companions. For the rest of us, remember that Heavenly Father does have a plan for each of us, and just because someone else’s plan isn’t exactly like yours doesn’t mean it’s bad. It’s just different! To each his or her own, and that includes timing when it comes to marriage.

I’m asking the BYU-I culture as well as the general Church culture not to label me as a “menace to society” simply because I haven’t found my Mr. Right yet. I’m doing the best that I can to follow my Heavenly Father’s plan for me, and that plan just so happens to include not getting married before my 25^th birthday. I’m also taking my time with this major decision so that I can be the best possible version of myself, and so that I can find the best possible man for me. Remember, each of us are individuals, whether we’re married or single, and we each deserve to have joy, and temple marriage plays an essential role in that eternal happiness. Just don’t judge those of us who are walking that path a little slower than what is deemed to be socially “acceptable.”